non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
