Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
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I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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