Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i drank out of a bidet.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
