Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
