Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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