This is not my ceiling
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
