I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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