he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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