I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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