Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
