if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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