it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
