Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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