Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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