Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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