When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
