well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
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I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
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He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.