my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit