And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment