im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
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Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
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That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!