just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...