He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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