I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
