Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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