Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
