I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
