im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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