Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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