Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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