I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
