i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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