she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
