I hate your face
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
