so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
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Just invented taco cereal.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
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those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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