you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
