wakey wakey hands off snakey
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
the liver wants what the liver wants
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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