I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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