He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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