Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
50% drunk capacity currently
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
