i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
