did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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