Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
