Please, let me fuck your mom
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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