I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
