Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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