Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
When are your genitals available?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
