I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
