the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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