There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
