just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
