My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
