i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
