I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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