The maid of honor just puked.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
