Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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