Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
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Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
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He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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