Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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