Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
