You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
