forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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