my phone needs a breathalizer
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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