I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
