i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
