Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
