She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
