shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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