Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
