i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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