alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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